When I signed up to be a member of SABR (Society of American Baseball Research), one of the first perks that I dug into was the free books and resources section. This one jumped out at me because I not only love baseball (and particularly MLB during the “golden years” for the two Canadian franchises) but was also a HUGE Simpsons fan when the show was actually funny.
Anyhow. if you know the Simpsons like I do, then you know exactly what this book is about. Basically, it goes like this: Mr. Burns, owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, hires nine MLB stars to join the staff so they can play in the softball tournament against the Shelbyville NPP. There are a million dollars on the line, after all. But before Smithers finds some of the best players in 1992, Mr. Burns, the octogenarian (or maybe older?) lists off a bunch of guys whom Smithers is to hunt down. The catch (joke): they are all dead. LONG dead. We’re talking mostly pre-WWI! So… Smithers gets: Roger Clemens, Mike Scoscia, Don Mattingly, Steve Sax, Wade Boggs, Ozzie Smith, Jose Canseco, Ken Griffey Jr and Darryl Strawberry. All of these guys actually voiced their own parts for the show, which made it really special.
Back to the book. After briefly touching on why this book was made, and simulating various stats (the dead team’s WAR vs. the contemporary team’s 1992 WAR, among others), the question is asked: which team would win if they were pitted against each other? It was very well written and definitely shows an awareness of how impossible it is to accurately compare the two. Then, we get biographic essays for Smithers’ ringers, followed by the same for the Burns Dream Team.
There is then a fictional “player bio” for Homer Simpson (because he did actually play a crucial role in the outcome of the final game – no spoilers here), a look at who would have made the Smithers Nine in 2013 (when this book of essays was compiled), and then a synopsis of a more recent episode of the Simpsons which featured a line from the grandfather of modern baseball nerds, Bill James.
So for me, the bios on the Burns Nine were less riveting, but still somewhat entertaining. I suppose if I were more familiar with the history of baseball in America, those bios would have also been interesting reads. Still, I can honestly say this book is a walk-off winner. Just don’t make me tell you how they scored that final run. For that, you’ll have to read the book or watch the Simpsons!